Pangs

Days have been flying so quick that my daughter is already close to two years. Over this time, I have grown so used to being with her that letting her out of sight makes me anxious at times. When I started working again, it was a little difficult in the initial few days. I was worried - she will cry, she may not sleep, will not let her grandparents do things for her, and she will wait anxiously till I reach home. Wrong! I was totally wrong. On my first day to work, she happily waved goodbyes and blew out little kisses to me. My heart felt crushed as I walked away. There was a little silly pain somewhere in me wondering why she was not sad to the slightest extent. But over a period of time, I realized, that is the best way she made me leave for work happy and peacefully. Things would have been different if she cried. I wouldn't be happy while leaving and the thought would keep haunting me at the back of mind while at work.

Yesterday, was her first day at the day care. She was excited to carry the bag and was all set for school. Again, I was worried. She would cry, may not mingle with the kids, and I will have to carry her back, howling. Again Wrong! She just went in and started exploring the place happily. I had that crushy feeling, more intense this time, as I was leaving her in the hands of strangers. Back home, I just wanted the 2 hours to fly by. But time ticked slowly. I was anxious. As soon as it was 12 30 I rushed to pick her. To my surprise she was playing. And to my delight, she ran towards me as soon as she saw me. I was a happy and proud Mom! :-) Things were a little different today though. She was happy when we left her but started crying some time later. So had to pick her up early. But I really hope she gets adjusted soon without shedding any tears or drawn faces. 

These thoughts reminded me of my yesteryears. I clearly remember seeing my Mom through teary eyes, standing across from a window outside my class, on my first day at school. I cried for two days! I was nervous for the first few days at the new school, when we went abroad to be with our Dad. I cried each night for months when I was in a boarding school hostel, while in class V. Things did not change much even after growing up. Leaving for the college hostel after each visit home was still difficult for me. And worse, I broke down in front of hundreds on the day of my marriage. 

My lil Angel looks braver and sensible. Hope life has better and better in store for her always.

Planning to write more often

How ironic! I am writer by profession and don't get to write my blogs at all. 

So what has been happening in my life - lots. I finally made up my mind to quit my job! It was hard to decide. I work with HP and the brand is a lot value. Deciding to give it up was not easy at all. I thought and tried for one year and finally put in my resignation in the month of January. Life was really hard the past one year. I struggled to balance my work and life. With my ever-crying baby, back-to-back project releases, the ever growing work at home, and the inability to lead a peaceful life... all these made me to arrive at this decision. 

I would be quitting work in the month of March. After that what, is not very concrete. I do have some plans. Let's see what materializes. There are lot of things I kept pushing off owing to my tight schedule. Apart from that, we bought a home some time back. Work was still going on and we could not move it. Last week, we were finally done with the registration and look forward to moving in by around mid of April or hopefully before that. So that is another big thing for us to look forward to.

My daughter, oh I just love her! She is now a year old and has changed a lot. She walks, babbles a lot, plays around, gives us kisses, and loves to cuddle with me. I just love those moments of being with her! We have been taken her out very often and she does love the whole process of going out. She loves to watch the dogs, cars, lights, butterflies, and children of course. She is a keen observer and has started imitating sounds and our mannerisms.

And about me, I miss a lot of being myself! I have no time to craft. I do not sleep comfortably. I cannot watch movies uninterrupted. In fact, everything just revolves around my angel now. I do love that though :-)

That's all for now. Hope you keep writing more often.

Too much...

... has been happening around me!

Yes, I am a new mom. As if dealing with the new-mom-blues was not enough! My parents left back for Kerala when my baby completed 5 months. And I started working from home. Juggling with baby care, work, and household tasks was leaving me with no time and space for anything else. I had long To-do lists everyday and most of the items kept getting carried over to the next day. Same with my work too. I somehow kept pushing it. Late night work, attending calls and meetings, trying to keep myself motivated, everything seemed least achievable. My only soothing times used to be the late evenings when hubby returned from work and used to take over the baby care. I used that slot for cleaning, taking a shower, and cooking. And late nights, after she slept, I used to do my office work.

Things were running so when another thing happened. One Friday morning I receive a call from my husband saying he met with a minor accident on the way to office and has a shoulder fracture. I really didn't know what to do - having an infant, I cannot just leave home like that. Luckily hubby's colleagues were with him and I waited till he was back. Finally he came back wearing a hand sling and shoulder cross belt. He was in pain. Doc asked him to take rest for 6 weeks. My misery started there. This incident initially meant that hubby would not be able to actively participate in baby care. But there were more to it. The pain was excruciating for him. He used to wake up at nights, could not sleep, wanted to have the belts readjusted, and for everything, poor thing, he needed my help. And my baby, she too!

There were days when I slept for just 2 hours. My whole body and mind ached. I just wanted things to be on track as before as quickly as possible. But even after a week, hubby's pain did not subside and he could feel the bone fragments moving inside. A second opinion, and we discovered that there were multiple fractures and surgery was the only way. What!!!

We prepared to get the surgery done within 2 days. My dad came down. Hubby was hospitalized for a week. I used to reach the hospital in the morning with my baby, stay there the entire day with her, and leave for home at night. Phew! 1 week somehow passed. When dad left, in-laws came down for a week. And they also left.

Now we are back to being mom, dad, and baby at home. Baby - rolls and rolls over, does not sleep during the day, is very active, wants mommy with her always, and is ready to cry the moment mommy is out of sight. Dad - recovering slowly, but still needs help with dressing the wound, and anything that involves using both the hands, taking medications, and some cause side effects, which again cause some problems. Mommy - taking care of both, doing my work, somehow balancing things at home, and now the late night sittings periods have extended.

All said, I have no complaints. I love each moment of being with both of them :-)

Back

Well... It's been a very long break I took from my blogs. But yes, I have a strong reason now. I am a Mom now :-) My angel is now 3.5 months old and a darling. She was not in her very good moods for the first 2 months, which gave me a complete nervous breakdown. Sleepless nights, incessant cries, tiredness... I thought these were to last forever. But no, now she is a real angel, though troublesome at time ;-)

Now she has started to gaze at things, recognizes us, smiles a lot, plays by her self, and the most recent update - started turning over! She is the sweetest thing that happened to me. Yes, I do have a lot of work now. And now that I have joined back to work, I find no free time at all. One good thing is that I am working from home, so I save at the least the travel time. 

I enjoy all the new things in my life - innocent smiles, sleepy eyes, cute bottom, tiny hands and feet, washing the tiny clothes, breathing in her smell, cuddling with her, and sometimes even the way she cries! And this leaves me with no time to craft, cook, or do gardening :-) 

And as I write, I see her lifting her hands and feet in the air, signalling me - Mom, I am going to wake up soon. Get ready! So you may see very little of me here or if she allows, regularly!