Pangs

Days have been flying so quick that my daughter is already close to two years. Over this time, I have grown so used to being with her that letting her out of sight makes me anxious at times. When I started working again, it was a little difficult in the initial few days. I was worried - she will cry, she may not sleep, will not let her grandparents do things for her, and she will wait anxiously till I reach home. Wrong! I was totally wrong. On my first day to work, she happily waved goodbyes and blew out little kisses to me. My heart felt crushed as I walked away. There was a little silly pain somewhere in me wondering why she was not sad to the slightest extent. But over a period of time, I realized, that is the best way she made me leave for work happy and peacefully. Things would have been different if she cried. I wouldn't be happy while leaving and the thought would keep haunting me at the back of mind while at work.

Yesterday, was her first day at the day care. She was excited to carry the bag and was all set for school. Again, I was worried. She would cry, may not mingle with the kids, and I will have to carry her back, howling. Again Wrong! She just went in and started exploring the place happily. I had that crushy feeling, more intense this time, as I was leaving her in the hands of strangers. Back home, I just wanted the 2 hours to fly by. But time ticked slowly. I was anxious. As soon as it was 12 30 I rushed to pick her. To my surprise she was playing. And to my delight, she ran towards me as soon as she saw me. I was a happy and proud Mom! :-) Things were a little different today though. She was happy when we left her but started crying some time later. So had to pick her up early. But I really hope she gets adjusted soon without shedding any tears or drawn faces. 

These thoughts reminded me of my yesteryears. I clearly remember seeing my Mom through teary eyes, standing across from a window outside my class, on my first day at school. I cried for two days! I was nervous for the first few days at the new school, when we went abroad to be with our Dad. I cried each night for months when I was in a boarding school hostel, while in class V. Things did not change much even after growing up. Leaving for the college hostel after each visit home was still difficult for me. And worse, I broke down in front of hundreds on the day of my marriage. 

My lil Angel looks braver and sensible. Hope life has better and better in store for her always.

Had to blog today

Its my birthday. When I was a kid, I used to wait eagerly for this day. Birthday then meant wishes, new dress, chocolates to school, cake cutting in the evening, and an overall feel-good day. When I grew up and during college days, it was all about wishes and gifts from family and friends. Once I got married, this turned out even better. One special gift, again lots of wishes, and a quiet cake cutting in the evening. And this year, now that I am a new mom, all I want is some rest and time to my self :-) I wish for no more. Loving every one and everything around me.

Changing...

Over the past few days, my perspective is changing. To life and the way I live it. I did a thinking and comparison of many things in life. I started with the changes that have come over me during the past few years; and the difference seemed shocking to me. The difference - I used to read a lot, hang out with friends past college/office hours and over the weekend also, explore new things, keep in touch with friends via phone or meet them, watched a lot of movies, and also used to take out a lot of time for only myself.

But now, my life has become kind of planned I'll say. Earlier each day was different. Nowadays, I know what my tomorrow will be and how I am going to spend my weekend. There is nothing NEW. The reason - once I became busy with life and work, I just chalk out the plans and try to stick to it. There is no time to experiment or even think of the life I was leaving behind.

The interesting things I do in my life now are my crochet, gardening, baking, and spending time with my husband. Though these do give me pleasures in different levels, I miss the pleasures of the things I am not doing now. One step-at-a-time, I am planning to keep adding more enjoyable activities to my life. As a matter of change, I have already started reading. Though I do not have that pace I had earlier, I am slowly trying to catch up. I am reading Twilight. And hubby is also travelling over the weekend. So it seems like I am going to have a lot of time to myself. Let me see how much I can finish.

Yesterday and Today

The date seemed interesting yesterday 1-11-11. And nine days later from today it will be 11-11-11. Even more interesting!

Well, the whole of my yesterday was spent in organizing and reorganizing. Wondering what I was organizing so much? Just the cupboard in my room. Actually the whole of the room seemed in a messy state. So I took up the task of putting it back in a better shape. I started with the cupboards and that itself took up almost all of the time. I pulled out all the clothes, did some sorting, unfolding and refolding. And finally the result looked nice. And that is all what I wanted.

Nowadays it is raining very often and it is a lovely sight to watch. Even now, as I type, it is raining very heavily. Love the rains also. I guess it has been a long long time since I got drenched in the rains and enjoyed it. May be did that when I was in college. Missing those lovely days!

Birthday

It was my hubby's birthday yesterday :-) The second one after our marriage. I really wanted to plan something nice for him. But it was not that possible. Because it was a working day. But then I thought a surprise cake will be a good idea. In the morning itself, I ordered for a cake and planned to leave office a little early so that I could go home, on the way pick some fresh flowers, and prepare for the surprise. I had to drop that plan as I had a meeting which went on for an hour after office hours. So I had to drop the plans of flowers.

On the way, I picked the cake, candles, and rushed home. And added to the chaos, hubby called up and said that he'll be home early. This was one day I really hoped that he would come a little late so that I could arrange everything neatly. But No! I reached home and just took the cake out of the box when hubby rang the bell at the front door. I started to panic. I quickly pushed the cake into the fridge, threw the candles, cake box and wrappers into the kitchen cabinet and hurried towards the door. He wasn't suspecting anything. Lucky!

The rooms were a mess following the weekend laziness. I quickly cleaned up the rooms and kitchen, mopped the floors, took my bath, and was ready. We went to the temple, spent some time there, and came back. Hubby said that we'll go out for dinner. And then I started arranging the table to cut the cake. He was indeed, very very surprised when I took out the cake. Wow! That surprise and happiness was all what I had hoped for. We pre-heated the griller and warmed up the lovely cake, lit the candles, took some pics, blew the candles out, cut the cake, gorged on it, and had some drinks. Yes that was it. I was the one who was the most elated.
The day followed by a nice dinner and coming back home a bit late.

What followed was the worst :-( I have fallen sick. Throat pain and the beginning of a fever. I was unable to sleep properly the night. Hubby was too kind and caring enough to come down with me at 2 am in the night and help me prepare some hot water. He waited very patiently as I washed my face and neck, gargled a bit of saline water to soothe the sore throat, and prepared a little bit of hot drink to my self. Today I am at home. That definitely was required, as I could not sleep properly the whole of the night and my body feels a bit weak as well. But I do have work to complete and I am working on that.

So ended my hubby's birthday!

Now time for some of the pics from the birthday!

How Time Flies

It was hubby's b'day last to last Sunday (May 23). No, we didn't cut any cakes. He didn't want to. But we all had a nice time. Enjoyed the day off and was very happy to be together.

We had another occasion also last week - my parent's wedding anniversary. It's 30 years since they have been together! Wow, I just wonder how time flies off. We decided that it was something to be celebrated. We ordered a cake. Thats all. And you know what, they remember their anniversary when I wish them! I keep track of some of these dates every year.


Let me tell you something more about my parents. They were married in 1980 and yes it was a completely arranged marriage. My dad is dark and my mom fair. At the time of the marriage, dad was a tall, dark guy with very curly hair and mom a thin, fair, small girl. I always ask my mom this question as to how she liked him when she saw him first. And her reply always is a smile or a big laugh.

This anniversary I initiated the question and she told us the story of how they got married. It was interesting to watch her and her expressions when she told the story. I have never seen them fight or argue over things. They completely understand each other's thoughts and feelings well. Over the years the trust and love have grown. And I would say that they are the best couple ever!

Home Alone

Its raining heavily outside and there is no power. I seem to be the happiest person now :-) Except for me and Mittu, there's none at home. I have kept the doors open and the cool breeze is blowing in. Gleee... I am enjoying it. The system has a lil more of power left in it. Hope it will let me complete my post today. And now I am wondering what I should write about. Hmmm.... Still wondering!

Did I ever tell you guys that I have stayed alone in a house for around three months? I don't think so. Well now I am reminded of that. It was during those three months that I completed my certification in Tech Writing. The house belonged to my friend's grandparents and they were in Singapore. So I got this ground floor of the house all to myself. And a wonderful doggy, Tintu, also. Ahem, ahem.. I did have to pay the rent. It was not free.

Staying at the house was indeed a big challenge. Though the surroundings of the house were well kept, the house was not. There were big rats in the kitchen, some frogs in the work area, and a lot of cockroaches. I used only a portion of the kitchen. I never got into the work area. There was a store room of which I had never opened the door of the fear as to what would jump out. The paint was peeling out at places. There were heaps of newspapers and old toys in a corner of the dining rooms and lots of dust everywhere. I kept only those places clean where I used. I was actually a bit scared to touch things over there.

Though the house was a bit old and shabby I must say that there were some things wonderful about this period. Tintu was a very good companion to me. It was tied just outside my window and it would keep sniffing and growling slowly. So I was never scared of being alone in the house. All alternate days I used to bathe Tintu. Though she didn't like it much, she never misbehaved with me. I must tell you that I never had a pet dog in my life and Tintu was the first dog I ever gave a bathe and considered it as my pet as well. I am indeed a person who is scared of loneliness and darkness. But now I wonder how I managed to stay there all alone. Some nights there would be power failure and I would lay awake the whole night. Another thing about my stay here was that I started cooking alone here. I used to prepare coffee, rice, curries, noodles, and certain other dishes which I never dared to share with anyone else.

At this house, I had a lot of time to myself. I could watch television till I wanted to, on holidays sleep till I felt anymore lazy to sleep, and write, read, or just be lazy around. In a way it was good. Now I am wondering why I didn't learn crochet then. I had all the time in the world then. Some evenings loneliness attacked me. This was when I would feel homesick and sad. But I was able to overcome all those things.

Some nights when it rained over there, I would keep the windows open and enjoy the platter and small drops alone in the dark. And that same feeling am I getting now being all alone here! I must say, at times its good to be alone also. But not always. My husband will be home any moment. So now the waiting starts...

Enjoy your day!

Too fast...

Wondering how quickly time flies off! Its already a month since we got married. We were speaking of it yesterday and checking out the photos again. It was indeed a great day. Though I was completely lost at times on the day, it seemed wonderful.

Lot of my friends and relatives turned up on the day before and the marriage day. I was really overwhelmed when I saw most of them. Some who said that they may not make it, turned up unexpectedly and it was really pleasing. My sincerest thanks and love to all those who turned up for our wedding as well as remembered me on the day! It was great!!!

And yes I m still uploading the pics of my marriage to my Picasa account. I know its too late but I am too lazy now! :-)

Back!!!

I am back again to my normal life but with a small difference. Now I am married! :-) It does feel good, especially the new people, their love, and even the smallest thoughts and acts of love I get.

Like most people say, my marriage ceremony also finished even before I could fully enjoy it. I was completely lost during that time. Lots of people around, relatives, friends, photo sessions, irritation of being in an uncomfortable makeup and lots of things like that. But very soon I was sitting and weeping at the pain of leaving my parents. Then started the new part of life. Entry into a new house full of unknown people. All came and introduced themselves. But it really took a lot of time to get registered.

The two weeks I spent in Kerala after my marriage was wonderful. The feeling of being close to near and dear ones everytime is really wonderful. But leaving them back was painful. Now I am back in Bangalore. Back to my normal life with a new person always with me. That is a good feeling though :-)

Lots of things to be done now. Right from unpacking things, arranging them, and getting adjusted to the new LIFE!!!

A 7-yr old companion

My companion since 2002. Always been with me in my good times and falls. Wherever I went I had this accompaniment. However long I took being at places, there were no grudges or complaints for making the wait too long. A sharing and caring shoulder to bear all my weights and always been a wonderful friend. Never betrayed me whenever I had a fall in life. Stayed with me very compassionately while I stood up and was flying with the winds again. This age old companion is none other than my 7-yr old 2 wheeler. More correctly, my Kinetic Zoom.

My Kinetic Zoom was brought during the summer vacation of 2002. I was instantly attracted to this grey vehicle at the showroom and soon it was mine! Thanks to my dad for that! It was after I brought this vehicle that I learned to drive a 2 wheeler. I had some very bad falls, no fractures or broken bones though. But yes, once my Kinetic's rear lights and indicators were smashed.

It was bought from Rajasthan. After a year, transported to Kerala when I went down for my higher studies. Then after a while to Bangalore and now within a few days it will be back to our home in Kerala. Though I am reluctant to part with it, I am forced to. I still can't forget how it used to take me through those humps and gutters, mud and broken path, rickety and rackety, bearing all my weight and of whatever I used to put on it.

Last day I got my new 2 wheeler (it was out of sheer compulsion I had to buy the new one). I know that my old friend must have felt bad. Even I felt bad also when I had to leave it at home and take the new one to office. All these years if I went anywhere alone, my companion was my Kinetic. So today I was not feeling very comfortable with the new companion. All the way I was thinking how good my oldie is!

An Awaited Day

My birthday was perhaps the most awaited day every year when I was a child. When the calendar is bought, the first thing I used to do is mark my b'day right on October 17 and then mark all the other birthdays I knew. The day was such an awaited one always. Right when the month of October starts I get excited and butterflies flutter in my stomach. As a child, there were many reasons to get so excited about my own birthday.

On the day right before the birthday, we used to go out shopping. This was for the sweets and a beautiful dress for me. I remember those cute, colourful frocks. Oh, how I loved them! :-) When we reach home, it would be late. Then my parents would sit and pack the different varieties of sweets in packets of different sizes - for her class, for his class, for the office staff, and the list used to go on. I would go to bed very reluctantly. Most often the night before the birthday, I never used to sleep well. Early in the morning itself I would get up. All would wish me. My day just brightens up with that.

Then the way to the school wearing the pretty, new dress. All along I hop and sing and go. The day at school is usually spend merrily. Distributing sweets here and there. Roaming around in the colour dress. And too many people wishing me. It was so good! Evenings were the most awaited. My dad would take me out to buy the cake. Since it is my birthday, I get the complete freedom to choose the cake. Those creamy coloured yummy things! We get back home, cut the cake, take photos, and distribute the cake and sweets among the friends and family there. Birthday gifts from my parents and brother was something I loved the most. Especially the lovely birthday cards. I still have them stuffed up at home in my cupboard.

Things changed a bit when I came down to Kerala for my studies. My parents were not with me. But still birthdays were the awaited days. Buying the new dress ritual stopped. But sweets and chocolates were always in plenty. Thanks to my aunts! They used to buy these in bulk and used to reach the hostel early in the morning with these. My parents used to call me and wish me. Though the cakes also were not cut any longer, I still loved the day.

But as years passed, I don't await the day as much as I used to. Now I understand, why were I the only person to remember the birthdays of my parents. I used to wonder how could they forget their own birthdays. May be with time even I will start forgeting mine. :-)

Well, my this year's birthday was a good one. It fell on the same day as Diwali. Crackers and bursts everywhere. I just imagined that people were celebrating my birthday ;-) The wishes started at midnight itself. It started with my fiancee, my cousin sister, cousin brother, and a few friends. By noon, most of the ones who remembered had wished me. It feels so nice when people wish you. And I got a few gifts as well... some really pretty gifts :-)

So finally my this year's birthday is over and I am an year older now!

Missing Life...

My cousin Raji got married last Sunday. It was a wonderful occassion; my childhood friend, sis, and ever best companion. A few days in Kerala, along with all those friends and relatives, it was a cherishing experience. But now that all is over I feel somewhat sad. She, as I mentioned, was my ever best friend. Now she has lots of newer responsibilities and morover a new person to accompany in everything.
I am jus remembering how nice it was when we were kids, and we were together. Loads of fun and mischiefs. The night we stole our grandma's dentures, the wrestling games we played, the fights, the pretty pranks, carelessness, happiness, griefs - everything was so wonderful that the memories are still live within us. Those days will never come back. But those memories will never leave us either.
There were times when we laughed and cried together. But now, in two different places and two different situations. Perhaps we can never again become what we were but I am glad we had such good times together.
Love you Raji!!!

Happy Vishu!

Vishu is one of the festivals I look forward to the most. Firstly for the 'kani' and secondly, the 'kaineettam'.
Before I started working Vishu was the one major factor that contributed to my pocket money. We used to wait eagerly for the day to start. 'Kaineettam' from my parents were always a good amount to make me happy. Apart from them, my grandmom, uncles, and aunts also used to give us kaineettam. By the end of the day, we would have collected a fair enough amount.
But nowadays its different. In a faraway place from the family, and that too employed. So no scope for much amount. But one good aspect is that my parents have increased the amount by a few more hundreds. And well thats all now. This year I wanted to give them a good 'kaineettam', but unluckily forgot to take money yesterday. So had to adjust with the amount borrowed from my brother.
'Vishukani' is what I love the most. The night before itself my mom would prepare everything and keep. From childhood itself, every 'Vishukani' I saw had in common two things - my moms gold chain with her 'thaali' and a laminated big picture of Lord Krishna as a child, eating butter. These two things have been there always.
Some years when I was away from my parents, there was no 'Vishukani' for me. And I did miss it terribly. But today I was fortunate enough to start the day or rather the year 'blessedly' (thats what I feel viewing the lighted lamp in the darkness of the early morning).

A Happy Vishu to all of you!

Treasured ones...

We always treasure some people in hearts. Be it somebody whom we see since childhood, or one we saw only once in our lifetime. It gives us immense pleasure at times simply just to think of them.
I have few very good treasured friends and people in my life. And guess what I either communicated with some of them today after a very long time. This is actually giving me lots of joy. Know not why!
A roommate for a year and a half, who was always a great friend as well. But time parted us and put us in two far locations. Its been more than an year since we met. Some incidents in the meantime, seemed to test our friendship. And to an extent we failed in the test. But today after a long time, I had a pretty long chat with her. It seemed as if, we were never too far. May be that's the feeling when you speak to a true friend. :)
Since childhood, me and Raji were together. Our growing years and overgrown years (;-)) we spent together. But somewhere when life took the serious turn we were thrown on the two sides of the path. This kept us a bit far from each other. But our liking and sharing was always there. And now she is about to get married soon. And after marriage, I have heard, nothing is nomore the same. :-( Sadly I realize, she would now on lead a busy responsible life of her own, and me mine own. But still both of us would treasure those wonderful childhood memories! :)
A few more friends - scrapped and mailed all of them today. Feeling so happy that I am rich with good friends - though far! :)

Another Fool's Day!

Here is another Fool's Day and I am missing all those pranks we used to play as kids. Now Fool's Day for me has reduced to another day when your inbox is full of mails.

My first memory of April Fool goes back to the year when I was in my I standard. As usual I reached my classroom and was alerted by my friend (don't remember her name) that there was a dry twig on my hair. I instantly tried to brush it away but there was nothing. She laughed and said "Hey, April Fool". That was my first Fool's Day. Since then each year we used to play silly pranks on friends and family. It used to be the usual simple lies.

Over the years, it turned to more serious pranks. But at one point of time, I used to disregard this day as I do on a Friendship Day, Mother's Day, or others of the sort. I was of the opinion why a special day for things like this. From then on my Fool's Day memories are colourless.

Now I feel we must celebrate it. After all what harm is there in fooling people on one day out of the 365 days (but Ididnt fool anyone today). Well, afterall its just to remember after so many years spent on living a life. Happy Fool's Day!!! :)

I Skipped!

During school days, we all had play hours! And sure we all did enjoy those hours a lot. I used to engage myself in less sweaty games like carroms, chess, being the silent spectator, and occassionally I did sweat out playing badminton. But I had a lot of friends who opted skipping. I used to envy them just because I knew not the art of skipping. Very effortlessly they used to skip around the playground, sometimes two together. How I hoped even I could skip like them. But I never shed a drop of sweat to learn that. I was too lazy!

A month back when I went shopping I noticed a skipping rope and instantly bought one. For the first few days I made many futile attempts to skip well. But without much success. There was something wrong, I couldnt jump with the correct timing. Either I would be well ahead or too late. And sometimes I would hop through it. How funny! I know!

The skipping rope went unnoticed for a few weeks. After that I saw a music video in which a girl performed too many tricks (amazing ones) with the skipping rope. I made up my mind, though not any of those tricks, atleast the basic skipping. I practiced everyday. But simply I couldnt get through it. I was desparate. There were times when I really toppled over and found my legs entangled in that knotty mess!

But one day absent mindedly, it happened. Perfect! But I knew not how. Then I tried again a lot many times and finally found out how. All those days I used to lift from the ground at the wrong timing. I know people might find it stupid that I didnt realize it but that is what happened. So, now I can skip (not very well). Now atleast I am happy, I know how to skip!!! :-)

Painful and Soothing

A sweet thought,
A painful scar,
An unforgivable wrong,
Momentary happiness,
Shattered dreams,
Broken hearts,
Lonely lives,
A long journey,
A fading sweet memory!

Time again to set goals!!!

Its the time again to set the goals for the next year... Appraisal period starts now. The last day to set our objectives and send it across to the manager is past one week now. But still I am sitting here trying to frame up things. No idea whether late submissions would be rejected. I wouldn't have cared a damn about that had not salary hike been related to this. Unfortunately it is! :(

My first appraisal was when I joined SunTec. I was so confused as to what the process was. Setting goals, framing stories of accomplishments, and what else you can. But finally after the meeting with the Manager and the appraisal grades were released I realized, like all others, do whatever you may, frame whatever you may, you are left to the mercy of your Manager and the interests of the company.

Soon after the appraisals we see dumbass people roaming in brand new cars and holding treats, while hardworking efficient people move to the depressed group and look out for job changes. But somehow we set these objectives and goals in hope. Hopes too high! Lets see what this appraisal has in store for me and the likes around! :)

The art of Storytelling

According to me, blessed are those who have the extraordinary powers of storytelling. It requires the unique ability to blend emotions, colours, time, and space. A storyteller brings to life the characters, time, and space of a story.

All good writers and orators are good storytellers. I perhaps don't like all writers but do agree that all have unique capabilities of their own. I may not admire all storytellers but the first storyteller I admired was my Grandmother.

Like all children, I also used to insist on hearing stories of rabbits and foxes to take food or go to bed. She used to be patient enough to answer all my stupid doubts and frame up good stories and prolong it till I completed my food. I wondered why rabbits and other animals never spoke to me in everyday life. I did try talking to butterflies and cats. But none cared to answer me. My grandmother - she used to fill my world with colours, the innocence of animals, the beauty of nature, and the greatness of mankind. I still remember few stories she told me as a kid. The best one is of a porcupine who lays an egg in an old tree trunk but is unable to take it out. It goes around to different animals who refuse to help and finally a small ant is ready to help and we see in a sequence how each animal who refused earlier now help the porcupine... :-)

A few years back I asked her how she knew too many stories. She replied saying that she used to frame small stories and mix n match all those she knew of, so that I would complete my food.. :-)

Failures!

My third sem results are out - Failed miserably!!! :-( Should have been more cautious. The first two times I escaped unhurt, decently. That was nothing but "pure luck". This time Lady Luck didnt smile upon me... huh! Too bad... Now got to study for two sems at one go... :'(

As a child, I was bright at studies. Used to be among the top three in class (I know most kids are). But as years passed by, the graph kept going down. I hardly realized that it was going down. Only when I had completed my XII did I realize that I had gone down. That was the first time I wished that had I been more cautious.

Then came my years of graduation - the most careless years! Studies were never a part of that period. We had no textbooks or set syllabus. Everything was ambiguous. The questions were very vast. One could go on writing for pages. But who had all those patience. I would be the first one to leave the exam hall... But this action of mine cost me heavily during the last exam (As always) :-(

But this is my first failure.. and Failure are the stepping stones to success! Hope I succeed next time... ;-)