Showing posts with label Missing Life.... Show all posts
Showing posts with label Missing Life.... Show all posts

2013

Perhaps the worst new year of my life till date - sitting alone in a hot and humid room - no phone - trying to connect with loved ones using a slow internet connection! How boring can a New Year eve be?

Happy 2013 to all of you!

Nothing too interesting...


Finally reached that stage in my life which I dreaded the most. But now realizing that it is not that bad or terrible. For sure, once I pass this stage I will be missing these days badly. Yes, I have discomfort, I have swellings, cramps, uneasiness, tiredness, and what not. But yet, I will surely miss those sometimes soft and sometimes turbulent movements in my tummy. Ha, how I love to see the movements outside!

I am almost nearing the completion of this stage. Yes, fear and worry does increase with each day. But it has to pass. There is no escape. So, taking it the way it comes.

I am now in Kerala from the past few days. Not liking the weather at all. It is hot and humid. I am not in my comfort zone. Dependent on somebody for anything and everything. My routine has changed. Yet there is something I love about this place and staying here. I will be here for a few months from now. Hope everything goes through fine.

I, no longer crochet, stitch, do gardening, or leave the house. I am always at home doing something or the other. But trust me, I am finding interesting things to do at home. Each day I wake up with an objective and very often am successful in achieving those. 

The only discomfort I have that bothers me now is that I am staying away from my husband. He will have to keep traveling over the weekends for some time from now.

Otherwise, everything, so far so good. Will keep you all posted!

End and Beginning

Finally said goodbye to 2011 and started on with 2012. Everything seems normal and okay till now. I haven't taken any new year resolutions as I know resolutions never work out for me. Just taking life in the pace it is coming to me.

As usual there was the annual company shut down for a week. So got a few days off and went down to Kerala. As always, it was hectic - travelling. And the days went past so quickly that within no time it was time to board the bus back to Bangalore. For a few days, my co-sister and kid came and stayed with us. It was joyful when they were here. The kid is just a year old and now learning to speak and walk. It is hilarious when she tries to speak - alien words and phrases. But her expressions are cute. Walking is another nice part. I love to see the way she falters when she tries to walk without help. And even better is to watch her yawning when waking from a deep sleep. So cute!

On the day of New Year, they went back to Kerala. We were back to being the two souls in the big house, lonely! Going back to office seemed very painful after the vacation. Now we are falling back on track and hoping for the best in this new year!

Hope you all had a wonderful time!

A depressing and addictive weekend

This weekend was a little depressing one for both me and hubby. My parents left for Kerala. Last week my brother also had come down for a small vacation. And now that everybody is gone, the house seems so empty and silent. And we are not liking the silence at all!

They left on the morning of Saturday. The whole of Saturday we spent indoors, literally doing nothing other than watching some movies. I was too sad that I didn't want to go out or even do anything interesting. Somehow we managed to finish the day.

Sunday seemed a little better. We completed bits of tasks at home like washing and cleaning. Together we did many of the tasks and we were coming to terms with being just the two of us again after so long. After the work, we went out. And to make it a bit interesting, we tried the Bangalore Metro service. Except for the rush and some waiting, it was good. We got down at the MG Road Terminal and headed off to the Commercial Street. We did some yarn and other shopping. It was after a long time that we spent some time together and it did actually seem nice. After lunch, we boarded the Metro back to Baiyappanahalli. It was quick enough.

Once back I watched the first two movies of the Twilight Series and was completely in a different world for the rest of the day. I must say admit that it is indeed addictive and I have already ordered for the complete set of books of the series. Waiting eagerly to receive the set now.

Yesterday and Today

The date seemed interesting yesterday 1-11-11. And nine days later from today it will be 11-11-11. Even more interesting!

Well, the whole of my yesterday was spent in organizing and reorganizing. Wondering what I was organizing so much? Just the cupboard in my room. Actually the whole of the room seemed in a messy state. So I took up the task of putting it back in a better shape. I started with the cupboards and that itself took up almost all of the time. I pulled out all the clothes, did some sorting, unfolding and refolding. And finally the result looked nice. And that is all what I wanted.

Nowadays it is raining very often and it is a lovely sight to watch. Even now, as I type, it is raining very heavily. Love the rains also. I guess it has been a long long time since I got drenched in the rains and enjoyed it. May be did that when I was in college. Missing those lovely days!

My Brother, My Brother!

The title of this post is actually the title of a short story. I just picked it because that is what came to my mind when I started writing this post.

Yesterday was a rather gloomy day. The weather was dull and things were a little tough at my end too. My brother has got a job abroad and had to leave yesterday. Well, on the brighter side, it is good news. But on the not-so bright side, I was sad.


Me and my brother, we have not been the greatest of friends or always been throughout our lives. We used to fight lots and lots, may be until the last few years. Now we are GROWN up and so don't fight physically, but verbally :-D School days were the best. We were the best friends and the greatest foes. Well, we had lot of wonderful childhood moments and memories that I cherish, always. He used to hit me, and I would start crying. Result, he gets scolded by dad. And that exactly was what I wanted ;-)

Everyone says I am the one who starts the fights. Whatever! We have been apart for a good number of years. But over the past, almost 3 years, we were together, in Bangalore. Fights were way too MANY. But over these few years, I have grown used to him being around me. After marriage, he stayed separate. But each time he came home and left, I felt sad. And now that he has gone abroad, it seems even harder.


I know this is life and all that happens is for good. Today he joined at his new job. Have not got a chance to speak to him yet. Wishing him all the best in his life. And oh yes, today is his birthday too! :-)

On Reaching home...

Nowadays it is a bit boring when I reach home in the evenings. Reason - my brother has left Bangalore. For the past three months he was staying with us and it was really great! My brother was a freelancer during this period, and had the opportunity to be at home all day long. And it was a blessing for me, because, when I reach home there is someone to welcome me home :-) That is a real great feeling - coming home when someone dear is already there. My husband reaches late and is spared of the horror when you reach home early.

When my brother was with us, I would reach and ring the bell untill he came and opened the door. Then two cups of hot coffee for both of us, watch a bit of television (MasterChef Australia) together, a bit of chatting, and then move on to our jobs for the day.

Now things are different. I reach home, do not ring the bell. Instead, I fetch the keys out of my bag and open the door, switch on the lights, leave the doors and windows open for a while. No coffee or watching television. I right away move onto things to keep me busy and forget about being lonely. Nowadays I have started hearing all those small sounds in the house which were there even when my brother was there. I rarely go to the terrace in the evenings to spend time with my plants - I think that I'll not hear if somebody comes and rings the bell, fear that someone will sneak into the rooms while I am on the terrace, and a lot more wild thoughts run into my mind.

It is a real bad feeling when you arrive home and are lonely. I wait eagerly each day for my husband to arrive and till he reaches I am restless. It is really wonderful to have your loved ones at home, always.

Back!!!

I am back again to my normal life but with a small difference. Now I am married! :-) It does feel good, especially the new people, their love, and even the smallest thoughts and acts of love I get.

Like most people say, my marriage ceremony also finished even before I could fully enjoy it. I was completely lost during that time. Lots of people around, relatives, friends, photo sessions, irritation of being in an uncomfortable makeup and lots of things like that. But very soon I was sitting and weeping at the pain of leaving my parents. Then started the new part of life. Entry into a new house full of unknown people. All came and introduced themselves. But it really took a lot of time to get registered.

The two weeks I spent in Kerala after my marriage was wonderful. The feeling of being close to near and dear ones everytime is really wonderful. But leaving them back was painful. Now I am back in Bangalore. Back to my normal life with a new person always with me. That is a good feeling though :-)

Lots of things to be done now. Right from unpacking things, arranging them, and getting adjusted to the new LIFE!!!

Days are short!

No this is not any geography class but in fact days seem shorter to me than nights now. There is very little time I get to spend on small activities of my own. Mornings are a hurry. I often reach office late and I know there are many eyebrows raising on this. But I am somehow not able to help it. Something or the other delays me each day. It can be the household work, rains, traffic, and sometimes even my laziness. I know I must learn to be more punctual. Everyday I say this to myself. Perhaps from tomorrow I might be a bit more early to office :-)

Evenings are even more tiring and fast. Reach, relax a bit, cook (sometimes I just don't ;-)), wash, clean, and its already too late. My eyelids become heavy and body numb. But somehow I manage to sit for another 20 or 30 minutes and do my crochet work. Sometimes I feel sad that I am not able to spend more time on this newly developed hobby. And the moment I fall on the bed I am fast asleep :-D

Weekends are even more quick. I just don't realize how can two days go together that fast! Again today will end soon and my hectic week schedule will start.

Happy Sunday guys!

Missing Life...

My cousin Raji got married last Sunday. It was a wonderful occassion; my childhood friend, sis, and ever best companion. A few days in Kerala, along with all those friends and relatives, it was a cherishing experience. But now that all is over I feel somewhat sad. She, as I mentioned, was my ever best friend. Now she has lots of newer responsibilities and morover a new person to accompany in everything.
I am jus remembering how nice it was when we were kids, and we were together. Loads of fun and mischiefs. The night we stole our grandma's dentures, the wrestling games we played, the fights, the pretty pranks, carelessness, happiness, griefs - everything was so wonderful that the memories are still live within us. Those days will never come back. But those memories will never leave us either.
There were times when we laughed and cried together. But now, in two different places and two different situations. Perhaps we can never again become what we were but I am glad we had such good times together.
Love you Raji!!!

Treasured ones...

We always treasure some people in hearts. Be it somebody whom we see since childhood, or one we saw only once in our lifetime. It gives us immense pleasure at times simply just to think of them.
I have few very good treasured friends and people in my life. And guess what I either communicated with some of them today after a very long time. This is actually giving me lots of joy. Know not why!
A roommate for a year and a half, who was always a great friend as well. But time parted us and put us in two far locations. Its been more than an year since we met. Some incidents in the meantime, seemed to test our friendship. And to an extent we failed in the test. But today after a long time, I had a pretty long chat with her. It seemed as if, we were never too far. May be that's the feeling when you speak to a true friend. :)
Since childhood, me and Raji were together. Our growing years and overgrown years (;-)) we spent together. But somewhere when life took the serious turn we were thrown on the two sides of the path. This kept us a bit far from each other. But our liking and sharing was always there. And now she is about to get married soon. And after marriage, I have heard, nothing is nomore the same. :-( Sadly I realize, she would now on lead a busy responsible life of her own, and me mine own. But still both of us would treasure those wonderful childhood memories! :)
A few more friends - scrapped and mailed all of them today. Feeling so happy that I am rich with good friends - though far! :)

Another Fool's Day!

Here is another Fool's Day and I am missing all those pranks we used to play as kids. Now Fool's Day for me has reduced to another day when your inbox is full of mails.

My first memory of April Fool goes back to the year when I was in my I standard. As usual I reached my classroom and was alerted by my friend (don't remember her name) that there was a dry twig on my hair. I instantly tried to brush it away but there was nothing. She laughed and said "Hey, April Fool". That was my first Fool's Day. Since then each year we used to play silly pranks on friends and family. It used to be the usual simple lies.

Over the years, it turned to more serious pranks. But at one point of time, I used to disregard this day as I do on a Friendship Day, Mother's Day, or others of the sort. I was of the opinion why a special day for things like this. From then on my Fool's Day memories are colourless.

Now I feel we must celebrate it. After all what harm is there in fooling people on one day out of the 365 days (but Ididnt fool anyone today). Well, afterall its just to remember after so many years spent on living a life. Happy Fool's Day!!! :)

Idle and bored

I literally have nothing to do for the next few hours. I have given a document for link validation (2847 links) and last day 2000 links took 3hours. Don't know how much its going to take today. And today I really have to post it! :-(

Caught up idle with nothing to do. I am extremely hungry but the cafeteria guys havent finished arranging the food. So just thought of blogging in btwn but really have no topics. Again a weekend is here. But this one wont be boring as the old ones. Reason - my parents and mittu are back :-) Need to catch up on lots of sleep. I am literally sleepless nowadays. I am forced to share my room with my aunt who wakes up in the oddest hours of early dawn to complete her pending office works and start her day! So my day starts with all those bangs and bongs here and there. Its really annoying but can't help. Then this weekend, a few friends would be coming home for lunch hopefully (torturing my poor mom).

I have bought a few books also. Need to start reading those and also re-start a few things I left mid-way years back!

Painful and Soothing

A sweet thought,
A painful scar,
An unforgivable wrong,
Momentary happiness,
Shattered dreams,
Broken hearts,
Lonely lives,
A long journey,
A fading sweet memory!

2009!!!

Happy New Year!!!

Hope it turns out to be a happy one indeed ;-) Lots of new resolutions, hopes, and aspirations. Let's see how everything goes on!

My vacation was superb - lots of travel, meeting relatives and cousins, being cosily at home wid my parents, and mittu... it was wonderful.. :-)

When no one s around!

With each sound you turn back,
In hope.

With each moment you count,
Ages.

In each thought you seek,
Company!

Time again to set goals!!!

Its the time again to set the goals for the next year... Appraisal period starts now. The last day to set our objectives and send it across to the manager is past one week now. But still I am sitting here trying to frame up things. No idea whether late submissions would be rejected. I wouldn't have cared a damn about that had not salary hike been related to this. Unfortunately it is! :(

My first appraisal was when I joined SunTec. I was so confused as to what the process was. Setting goals, framing stories of accomplishments, and what else you can. But finally after the meeting with the Manager and the appraisal grades were released I realized, like all others, do whatever you may, frame whatever you may, you are left to the mercy of your Manager and the interests of the company.

Soon after the appraisals we see dumbass people roaming in brand new cars and holding treats, while hardworking efficient people move to the depressed group and look out for job changes. But somehow we set these objectives and goals in hope. Hopes too high! Lets see what this appraisal has in store for me and the likes around! :)

A Break!

Finally I have managed to take time off from office. Its almost over two years since I had an off more than 5 days. This time, for Christmas I finally managed to get 15 days off! Phew, lots of hard work involved ;)

This is a long awaited vacation actually. Long to be back home, relaxing, and doing nothing :)

The worst part is the travel. 13 - 14 hrs sitting numb in the bus, the blanket which either covers ur head or toes, but not both together, an uncomfortable night's sleep to be interrupted by the incessant cry of small kids and hefty guys snoring, the horns of the bus and other vehicles on the road, and so on. But somehow I love that moment when I wake up clumsily in the morning and see in the early dawn the boards of the shops which reads the names of places in Kerala. I become very anxious and eager as if on a trip first time to my home.

But unexpected things do happens. And whenever it happens I would be a part of it! :( Last time when I was travelling home, I woke up and saw that we were just three hours long from my place. I was all set to reach home when suddenly the bus stopped. After five minutes of halt, I heard the dreaded words - Breakdown. It took us another seven hours to reach, after changing two buses. :(

I hope nothing goes wrong. I am ready to sleep all cuddled up adjusting to the length and breadth of the blanket, the seat, and ignore the noises foregoing a night's sleep. All to reach home in time. :)

Sounds!

Its already 11 pm. Everybody has slept and so is the whole neighborhood. I sit here all alone listening to too many sounds even when none is making any noise.

I hear the clock ticking away in speed, as if eager to complete its rounds. During the day I never notice the sound of the clock ticking. A mosquito flying past sings in its awful sound to irritate me. I hear a creaking sound every other minute when my brother turns in his bed. Perhaps the fridge thinks why should it alone be silent. Adding to the harmony, the water drops fall into the kitchen sink making that beautiful plop sound. Why should I not make noise when all these break the silence of the night. I hit hard at the keyboard as I type in each word.

Today when I go to bed, I would be content that I did not give up to the silly creatures and objects around me. And next morning when I wake up I wouldn't notice any of these sounds, neither the mosquito's songs, or the clocks. Who has time for all those once the alarm goes off? Till tomorrow night, I have so many other sounds to listen to - the traffic, children, the girls blabbering in the cafeteria, conferences and calls at office, the frying and stirring in the kitchen, the horns, the beeps and ringtones, and so on.

I wonder when would there be silence! Would I hear it as long as I am alive.

The art of Storytelling

According to me, blessed are those who have the extraordinary powers of storytelling. It requires the unique ability to blend emotions, colours, time, and space. A storyteller brings to life the characters, time, and space of a story.

All good writers and orators are good storytellers. I perhaps don't like all writers but do agree that all have unique capabilities of their own. I may not admire all storytellers but the first storyteller I admired was my Grandmother.


Like all children, I also used to insist on hearing stories of rabbits and foxes to take food or go to bed. She used to be patient enough to answer all my stupid doubts and frame up good stories and prolong it till I completed my food. I wondered why rabbits and other animals never spoke to me in everyday life. I did try talking to butterflies and cats. But none cared to answer me. My grandmother - she used to fill my world with colours, the innocence of animals, the beauty of nature, and the greatness of mankind. I still remember few stories she told me as a kid. The best one is of a porcupine who lays an egg in an old tree trunk but is unable to take it out. It goes around to different animals who refuse to help and finally a small ant is ready to help and we see in a sequence how each animal who refused earlier now help the porcupine... :-)

A few years back I asked her how she knew too many stories. She replied saying that she used to frame small stories and mix n match all those she knew of, so that I would complete my food.. :-)